How To Ask For Money You're Owed

How To Ask For The Money You're Owed Without Making It Awkward, According To Experts

Etiquette and money experts explain how to make the process painless and less awkward for everybody involved.

The Lede

Digital apps have made paying each other easier, but things can still get messy. "Money has been a taboo topic for a long time in our society and I think we are just now starting to talk a little more about it," says Andrea Woroch, a consumer and money-saving expert. Here are some expert tips that'll make these talks less stressful.

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Don't mince words : Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert, says the more time you waste skirting around the topic the weirder things will get. "Being direct is the best way to get a straight answer," says Gottsman. She prioritizes having the conversations in-person and face-to-face rather than over the phone, text or email because then it's harder to avoid someone. Another etiquette expert Julie Blais Comeau agrees because you don't want to risk your tone being misrepresented, something that's hard to do when you're face-to-face.

Put forth a statement and pose a question : In addition to being direct you should structure the request in such a way that it's clear your asking for your money back and within a definite time frame. Alex J. Packer, a psychologist, educator and author recommends phrases like "I would appreciate it if you could repay the loan I gave you. I am short of funds and need to ask you to pay me back," or "If you can't pay the full amount, can we come up with a payment plan?" to kick start or further the conversation.

Show empathy : Even if you're unaware of the financial situation the opposing person is in, try and be sensitive about it by being aware of certain discrepancies. "Most people have a variety of incomes and being respectful of each other's circumstances is the key," says Gottsman.

Keep notes : Don't be too meticulous, but by keeping a track of recurring outings with friends keeping a track of who pays and continuing to rotate the costs will help you solve a future problem. "Depending on how often you and a friend or group get together and split bills, you can take turns paying the bill," says Andrea Woroch, a consumer and money-saving expert.

Forget about it : The first rule of lending money is not going overboard by lending money you can't afford to. If the situation is such that the person who owes you can't afford to repay you, sometimes the best option is to walk away. If you're in a position to forgive the loan, it may lead to a healthier friendship. "Verbalize the value to you of her friendship, and how it would be a gift to you to help them out by forgiving the loan," says Packer.

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